I'm not crazy for my wife. . .

And this fact makes the idea of heaven less scary for me.

I've grown up in the church, I work in a church, and I have a confession: heaven scares me. That sounds like an oxymoron, but it's the truth. Ever since I was little, I've believed that heaven was going to be the worship service in the sky that lasts forever. That doesn't sound like eternal paradise; not to me. No, to me, that sounds like hell. I can't sing. I can't hold a note. I can't even whistle an understandable tune. If I were to be required to sing forever I'd rather burn.

Now, to switch gears, (I'm going to bring this all together) when you marry someone, your feelings toward them will change dramatically. People don't tell you this. Because if you're dating and engaged, you're looking at your future spouse with rose-colored glasses saying stupid stuff like, "You'll never change."

After just recently celebrating my first anniversary, I realized, I'm not crazy about my wife. Not anymore. This feels like such a dastardly thing to say, but it's true. I used to look at my wife when we were dating and engaged, and I would drool over the thought of her. I would get the butterflies in my stomach and could feel the adrenaline beginning to pump as I got giddy over the thought of being with her. Going to the movies would get me so hyped because I got to spend time with Megan. Whenever we even planned on doing something mundane, it would excite me. I can distinctly remember getting excited about going grocery shopping with her once. Talk about lame. But now, I don't feel like that.

When I'm at the office, I don't get this feeling of excitement that I get to go home to my wife. I don't lie in bed and watch her sleep thinking about how exciting it is to be here with her. "At long last! I've gotten what I want!" No. That's not how marriage goes. Instead, she is now the purest essence of my calm. When I go to her, my worries die away. Being at home on the couch with my wife is the rock amongst the crashing waves. I tell her all my insecurities, I go to her for advice, and lie in bed with such a calmness being next to the person that I love who loves me back. These deep feelings of peace and love aren't shown in words. They're shown in long hugs, in listening to each other, and this peace and love are shown through presence. I thought marriage would be dozens of years of feeling like a giddy child with a crush. Instead, they feel like assurance in the midst of doubt.

God talks about peace quite a bit. He talks about giving us a peace that passes beyond all understanding (Phil 4.7). I think we often forget about this aspect of God and this aspect of His intent for creation. Instead of daydreaming about a place that will be calm for all eternity; we would rather daydream about heaven being a never-ending party. We want things to be more exciting than they sometimes are. I think people do that with marriage, with relationships, and with heaven. I know that whatever heaven actually is, it's going to be great. But, I think it will be a lot calmer, and a lot more peaceful than people tend to portray it as. I just hope we don't sing forever. Or, at the very least, I hope I’m better at it if we do.

#Love #Marriage #Religion